Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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