Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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