Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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