I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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