put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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