I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.