I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
