I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
