Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
