Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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