i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
