The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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