I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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