i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
