I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down