im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it was like eating out sand paper
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?