he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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