Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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