she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
