So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
