i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
