; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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