I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
