next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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