im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
