How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
