i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
