He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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