my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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