he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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