I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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