i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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