Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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