No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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