we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
