my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
