He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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