had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
