maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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