Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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