Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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