Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
