Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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