It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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