i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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