What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
