the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
