I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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