just tell him i said nine months
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
