I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
