After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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