Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
