Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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