He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
