you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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