Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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