either way he was missing a nipple.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
