i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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