Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
