first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
