He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
