I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
