Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
