you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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