last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
