Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
