how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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