I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
