In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My pussy is not your playground.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This house was built for laser tag.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
