all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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