Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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