Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
