your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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