If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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