do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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